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Below are 20 random jokes from our vast selection:
| A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow... |
Category: Animal WorldRating: 0 0
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse
falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go
and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to
the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's
Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He
then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I
think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
chicks.
|
| What is the difference between "ooh" and "aah?" |
Category: SexRating: 0 0
What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah?"
-About three inches.
|
| A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home... |
Category: ChildrenRating: 0 0
A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home,
"Please send me some food. All they serve here are meals."
|
| Serious desease |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. Was it
true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the
doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life?
She was told that it was.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"
|
| Little Johnny comes home from school... |
Category: ChildrenRating: 0 0
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher,
indicating that
"Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between
boys and girls,"
and would his mother,"please sit down and have a talk with Johnny
about this."
So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her
bedroom,and closes the door.
- first, johnny, I want you to take off my blouse.
So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- ok, now take off my skirt...
And he takes off her skirt.
- now take off my bra.
Which he does.
- and now, johnny, please take off my panties.
And when johnny finishes removing those, she says,
"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
|
| Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of... |
Category: SexRating: 0 0
Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one
night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon". The
first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon...he pulled down his
pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the
women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate
music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants
and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the
women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played
appropriate music.
After several more knights tried to prove their superiority...the King finally spoke out.
"I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound,
not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth
rose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...
and the band played "God Save the Queen."
|
| What's black and white and comes in little cans? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
What's black and white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson
|
| Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii.
As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said,
"Look at the legs among that group."
"Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm a
chest man myself."
|
| The patient came into the doctor's office... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
The patient came into the doctor's office, suffering from amnesia.
The doctor asked, "Have you ever had it before?"
|
| Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? |
Category: RacistRating: 0 0
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
|
| A word play |
Category: ChildrenRating: 0 0
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a
sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we
saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was
good, but I wanted the word "'fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand. She
said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I
was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word
'fascinate.'" Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated
because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there
was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs
are so big she can only fasten 8."
|
| A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary... |
Category: Marriage and RelationshipsRating: 0 0
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th
anniversary. As the couple
reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the
husband, "When you
first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your
mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out,
and suck your tits
dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
|
| A young couple got married, and in their family... |
Category: SexRating: 0 0
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."
|
| As the end of the day drew near... |
Category: At WorkRating: 0 0
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive
called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know
what time we quit around here ?" he asked.
"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody
knocks on the door."
|
| When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts... |
Category: MenRating: 0 0
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...
In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no
passion..
So I decided I needed a passionate girl..
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional..
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I
needed a girl with some stability..
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement..
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition..
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned..
Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..
|
| If for every rule there is an exception... |
Category: Science RelatedRating: 0 0
If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that
there is an exception to every rule.
If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we
must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule
states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow
it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to
the rule that for every rule there is an exception.
|
| Beware of dog! |
Category: Animal WorldRating: 0 0
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a
harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware
of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like
a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept
tripping over him."
|
| Why can't Chinese barbecue? |
Category: RacistRating: 0 0
Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue?
A: Because the rice falls through the grill
|
| How come nobody from Mexico is ever in the olympics? |
Category: RacistRating: 0 0
How come nobody from Mexico is ever in the olympics?
Because everybody that can Run, Jump, and Swim is already over here.
Sent by Paul
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