Ballroom Dancing, get dance lessons
Ballroom Dancing, yeh right, I remember Come Dancing when I was watching TV on my old black and white television when I was growing up, Ballroom Dancing was naff! Let’s face it, it was a luxury in those days to have a TV in the bedroom and that was when there was only three channels and they usually switched off close to midnight.
With such a limited choice available, who the blazes wanted watch that garbage?
But hang on, 30 years later and I do want to watch that garbage!
How if I only knew then what I do now. If only I hadn’t thought that dancing was weird and become the Billy Elliot of my time, then perhaps I might not be a whinging git in a wheelchair and more importantly I may not have ended-up with some dumpy bint like MrsCrip (who did once train at a Worthing Dance School)and had a bird as fit as Flavia Cacace! 
The female dancers from BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing are nothing short of gorgeous, they are real women; and nothing like these snivelling sluts like Jordan and Jodie Marsh who crave publicity all the time.
I’ll be the first to admit that I would not mind putting in a foxtrot with the majority of Strictly Come Dancing’s women dancers. The fact that my wheels would ruin their fast moving feet and ultimately their career could pose something of a problem.
The thing is I wonder how many boys who are now in their early teens pay any attention to the women and dancing on Strictly Come Dancing? If they are anything like I was, it will be very few.
This is why hindsight is such a beautiful thing! Let’s face it, if you dance you have a chance of a shag, even that ugly Scottish bastard Gordon Brown would get regular offers if he could dance. Look at Anton du Beke, he is no way as good looking as me, yet he’s got more takers than when Jesus fed the 5,000! (allegedly)
So there you have it kids, get ballroom dancing lessons and preserve your social and sex life for years to come!
