Today's featured article
Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a hockey goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary Canada under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several NHL records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. (more...)
Yesterday's featured article
A faggot is a woodwind instrument in the double reed family, used to play music written in the bass and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my teeth on edge.
I'm as liberal as the next person, but it just doesn't seem natural to choose to be a faggot player. Because it is a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a drum kit or something manly like a trumpet, that's for sure.
Due to the complicated fingering and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly happy when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into that life. I mean what more proof do you need? (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that screaming "UNO!" at the top of your lungs after every single turn of Uno will greatly increase your chances of winning?
- ...that Journey only appears to have eight letters?
- ...that Fanfiction.net, originally formed to distribute Harry Potter slash/fiction, was created by Josef Mengele as a means to test the limits of human endurance?
- ...that Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?
- ... that Gödel's famous Incompleteness Theorem states that no Talk page is ever complete? He proved it by the diagonalization method, forming a diagonal string of comments of "we should end this discussion now" entries. This result was later improved on by repeatedly adding of "Shut up".
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In the news
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- Robert Mugabe bails out world financial system out-of-pocket. (pictured)
- Bank Marathon to replace Bank Run in next olympics.
- Some of our bases have been repatriated. Hooray!
- KKK makes controversial decision to back Obama for president.
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On this day...
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October 8: War on Terra celebrations, International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 6000 BC - God invents breasts
- 5999 BC - Woman invents sin
- 2600 BC - Mayans invent chocolate
- 500 - Germans invent beer
- 800 - Vikings invent awesome helmets with horns on them.
- 1234 - Handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1337 - Mexico joins forces with Pirates and the Leet tribe.
- 1338 - Ninja Jesus declares war on Mexico, which turns out to be an attempt at distraction, for he has more plans up his sleeve.
- 1339 - Ninja Jesus reveals his plans, and you are too late to hear them.
- 1496 - Oscar Wilde invents Unclyclopedia
- 1921 - Americans invent bacon cheeseburger
- 1945 - U.S. Army develops gun that shoots guns that shoot swords
- 1949 - Danes create Lego
- 1952 - Deep fried spam invented
- 1958 - Segway invented in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 1959 - Rioting invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love
- 1964 - Hippies sell free love for pot.
- 1979 - Victoria's Secret Catalogue introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie, it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolted. Nobody cared.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
- 2003 - War on Terra begins when Canada attacks a marble quarry in Vermont, claiming that it was "harboring terra"
- 2005 - In one of the most controversial friendly-fire incidents of the War on Terra, several shipments of Home Depot terra cotta are bombed by U.S. B-52s.
- 2006 - Royal Canadian Air Force invents Air-to-Segway missile.
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| Colonization of the Week
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Richard M. Nixon
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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